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6.1.14

SHOW ME THE JERRY!: From Silver Screen to Trash Can, The Jerry Maguire Story

By CORY CARR
With help from the guys over at VHShit Fest and Everything is Terrible, it has come to my attention that we have a very serious problem in America. We often turn a blind eye to Jerry Maguires who are struggling to survive in our throwaway culture. It's time to take a stand.

The year was 1996. Betty Rubble had just debuted as a Flintstone vitamin, rapper Tupac Shakur releases his 4th studio album and Cameron Crowe, the man responsible for such classic films as Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Say Anything, had just released his third feature film, Jerry Maguire. Received with open arms by critics, Jerry Maguire found his way into our hearts, and later into our homes via VHS.

I can remember back to when Jerry was in theaters. It made a hit of the Bruce Springsteen song "Secret Garden" that accompanied the film in it's soundtrack. That damn song played ever hour on the fucking radio, and though I was still a child, it drove me to heated fantasies of murdering everyone in sight. IT PLAYED EVERY HOUR! Fuck you Bruce Springsteen!

But things weren't always "you had me at hello" for poor Jerry. Once his popularity caught on, everyone man in America purchased a copy of Jerry's VHS for the soul purpose of tricking women into thinking they were sensitive, so they would take off their clothes.

Greedy CEOs gave the go ahead to manufacturing more and more Jerrys, but they couldn't keep up with demand. People waited outside K-Marts and Wal-Marts in the cold for the next shipment of Jerrys to arrive. Cigarette companies would give Jerrys away with the proof of purchase of two hundred cartons of cigarettes. Cereal companies bought them to give away as prizes in cereal. The country began to suffer from "Jerry Syndrome".

America had been saturated with Jerry and the fallout was unforeseen. Tens of thousands of Jerrys would soon be found at yard sales and secondhand stores. When Jerry couldn't be sold for pennies on the dollar, Jerry was thrown aside like garbage. It's a sad story really. Jerry, through no fault of his own, was just too damn loveable.


This is where Everything is Terrible come in. For years now, they have been scouring the Earth in search of Jerrys who need a good, safe home. Everything is Terrible! has saved thousands of Jerrys already, but they need your help.


Our contribution of Jerrys

Slaughter Film is willing to pitch in. All last summer as I traveled the local garage sale and thrift store circuit, I kept an open eye for Jerry. In total I found twenty four and have shipped them off to their new home in L.A. with Everything is Terrible!. Everything may be terrible, but knowing that Jerry has a warm meal in his stomach is great news to me.
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