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26.9.14

WRITTEN REVIEW: Monster aka Humanoids From the Deep

By MATTHEW STEWART
The journey continues through the hellish confines of bad film on Netflix, but with the bad, I at times like to take the good. One must find the time to escape the horror of bad film and take in a film that is right on that edge. Too bad to be called good, and just good enough to not be called bad. So we go from the putting greens to the rocky shores of the Pacific with the 1980 schlock-fest Humanoids From the Deep otherwise called, Monster.

“There is no greater sorrow then to recall our times of joy in wretchedness.”
― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

The tale begins in a small fishing town in Northern California, which has seen better days. Hank Slattery, played by the late Vic Morrow, and his crew are all excited about a new fish cannery that is supposed to save the town. On the other side of the coin, local activist, Johnny Eagle, is hoping to stand in the way of the cannery ever being built. This naturally puts Slattery and Eagle at odds.


Let's get drunk and impregnate some sorority girls!

Meanwhile, on the high seas, a team of fishermen run into some trouble that involves a net, a mutated hand attached to what could only be a mutated body and no gas in their engine. Of course a fire starts on the boat, and boom, no more fishing boat. Jim, who can only look on in horror as the fiery inferno sinks to the depths, witnesses the explosion.

Things get weirder in town as dogs start disappearing and are later found mutilated, including Eagle’s dog that he finds dead and accuses Slattery of being the killer. A good old-fashioned dust up happens that leaves Johnny, Jim, and Slattery a little bloody, but low and behold, we still don’t know who the dog killer is.

After the fight, Slattery is determined to get to the bottom of Johnny Eagle’s plan of preventing the cannery from opening, which leads to Slattery and his goons firebombing Johnny’s cabin. But meanwhile, mutants have been raping the local townswomen and killing the local menfolk, including Peggy, but more on that later.


Mutated salmon paint-by-numbers.

As the body count rises, the locals are obviously suspicious of their local Native American “friend” Johnny, but Jim and newly-arrived-in-town Dr. Susan Drake, come to his aid and try and discover the cause of the recent mayhem. Dr. Drake arrives at a supposed feeding ground for the monsters and we get the obligatory exposition scene that explains that the monsters came experimenting, pollution, and of course, salmon.

After learning that these salmon monsters now have grown a taste for human mating, Drake and company rush back into town, which is celebrating their annual Great Salmon Fest, but they are a little too late. The monsters have begun attacking the town. But with quick thinking and a little gasoline, the monsters are driven off and most of them killed.


Shouldn't have eaten that Taco Bell.

The town is saved, for now, but there is a GIANT revelation involving Peggy in a hospital right before the credits. I’ll leave it at that.

So, Humanoids From the Deep; I know I should be reviewing really bad movies, and while this one isn’t all that good, there are some really well done aspects of the film. Before I get into the good, I’ll get the bad out of the way. All with most bad films, the dialogue is laughable. It’s clich├ęd lines uttered by pretty low rent actors, and while some of the actors are trying, the script is humorous in its terribleness. Two, in this day and age of objectifying women, this film revels in it. Sure, it’s sure smut from the Roger Corman School of Filmmaking, but unless you grew up in the day and age of trash cinema, this film could offend; it’s even more intriguing due to the film being directed by a female.


Horror movie + lingerie = imminent death....and boobies.

Now that I got this out of the way, and maybe this is saying a lot about me, there is a lot to like in this film, namely the gore. The blood flows pretty steady when the Humanoids are around. From ripped open heads, to exposed rib cages, there is some pretty good gore. The monster design was also pretty impressive. Sure, some of the monsters with longer arms were a little weird, but the overall design is quite well done. This finally brings me to my inner-pig; the pretty liberal use of nudity throughout the film. There are a lot of bare, 1980s-type boobies, and if you’re a pig like me, you’ll be pleased with the their liberal use throughout the film.

Finally, to wrap it all up, this film is just fun. If you’re a fan of Jaws, The Fog, The Creature From the Black Lagoon, Slither, or just trashy cinema from the late 1970s to the early 80s, Humanoids from the Deep is right up your alley.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. But sometimes a motion picture is only worth one. Simplistic Reviews gives you a minimum one word review from avid film buffs Justin Polizzi, Matthew Stewart and DJ Valentine. If one isn't enough, you can read on and enjoy their further analysis of the film or television show. Simplistic Reviews is, for lack of a better word, GOOD.

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