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5.9.14

WRITTEN REVIEW: Mountaintop Motel Massacre

By JUSTIN POLIZZI
To end my portion of this Netflix horror review series, I picked yet another film that caught my eye, that I've never seen. It’s called Mountaintop Motel Massacre. They say that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but when it comes to movies, I usually do. Mountaintop looks fun, bloody and the type of film I enjoy to watch just by looking at its poster.

So what is Mountaintop Motel Massacre?

Mountaintop is about Evelyn who, after being locked up for several years in an insane asylum, is finally released. She goes back to the Motel in which she works. After getting very angry about her daughter’s rabbit entering her garden she chops the rabbit up. Then, she runs inside and slices her daughter up too. Yeah how about that, it’s a pretty fast start to the slaughter, but that's about it for a while. After the funeral some guest begin to check into the motel, which leads to a slow telling of each characters background. But don’t worry soon after this, the "Massacre" comes into play.


Casting couch at the '70s porn shoot.

The guest are an out of work carpenter, a couple of newlyweds, two cousins who want to make it big, a preacher who drinks a lot and my favorite, a guy who “apparently” owns Columbia Records. Yes, THAT Columbia Records.

All of these guests, I will go out on a limb and say, have never acted before and I’m guessing none went onto act much after this either (apart from the preacher who has been in a few films that I’ve seen). This film has some of the worst acting that I’ve seen in a long time. Lines are thrown out with absolutely no emotion. The film is incredibly dull and it doesn’t help that the actors are wooden. When I say the writing is extremely rough I mean lines like these;
“What did you expect, a Holiday Inn? You know I can't afford that.”
“You girls ever hear of Columbia Records? Well that's mine. That's my baby.”
“I'm tired of this bullshit. People running around here with snakes, roaches, rats. Killing of one another.”
“I'll take care of you. You got to trust me.”
Ugh, its bad right? Another is from the guy who owns Columbia records, Al. Al tells the cousins to get into his car, drive a little and ditch the car in the woods then run. This sentence is so bad. I know I can’t write and from reading my reviews I’m sure you do too. But lets take a second and analyze that sentence. So drive away from the killer, but stop, then run? Why not just get into the car and drive as fast as you can? This way you are as far away from the killer as you can be and the killer has no way to get to you. Am I right?

Fine then, lets go into the look of this film. The film is very low budget in every way it can be. The blood is incredibly fake to the point it becomes an eye swore. The pacing is bad and as well as the music, lighting and makeup. There isn’t much to this film. It’s a very straightforward slasher. Really there isn’t even much comedy like we got with New Year’s Evil or Bloody Birthday, the dull acting made me chuckle a few times thou. The only thing I really liked about this film was the actress that plays Evelyn, I thought she was a standout. Her name is Anna Chappell and her IMDB page listed this and The Man in the Moon (1991) as her only two films. How is it that the best actor of this film isn’t the one who had a more fruitful career? Such a shame she wasn't in more films.


Let the massacre begin!

All in all this is just a dull film. It's not the worst. It was kind of fun to watch as a crappy slasher film. Mostly the laughable acting makes things a bit more enjoyable. Netflix Queue? Sure. Maybe if you can’t find much on Netflix (like always) this could be one to check out.

So there you have it. We had two fun films Bloody Birthday and New Year’s Evil. A mediocre Mountaintop Motel Massacre and the extremely weak The Keep. Hopefully my love of crappy horror films grows. The problem is that most of them are just downright bad, without much going for them. Even though they aren’t on Netflix, checkout movies like Blood Feast (1972), Burial Ground (1981), The House on the Edge of the Park (1980), The Toolbox Murders (1978), Prom Night (1980), The Undertaker and His Pals (1966), The Twilight People (1972) and the classics Silent Night Deadly Night and Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2.

Those are all fun films and will have you laughing the whole time. Without a doubt watch Silent Night Deadly Night as soon as possible. I hope you had as much fun as I did with the The Seven Levels Of Netflix Hell of Simplistic Reviews. And be sure to check out, Slaughter Film’s Action Movie Time Machine.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. But sometimes a motion picture is only worth one. Simplistic Reviews gives you a minimum one word review from avid film buffs Justin Polizzi, Matthew Stewart and DJ Valentine. If one isn't enough, you can read on and enjoy their further analysis of the film or television show. Simplistic Reviews is, for lack of a better word, GOOD.

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