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3.10.14

WRITTEN REVIEW: Splatter

By MATTHEW STEWART
Coming off the high of Humanoids from the Deep, it’s a little traumatic to have to go back into the pits and try and dig up another turd from the depths of Netflix. And to be fair, I might be cheating a little bit this week, but I’m trying to branch out a little and find something that might actually be interesting. This brings me to Splatter a supposed Netflix series directed by Joe Dante, and presented by Roger Corman. Instead, I find a single episode from a ten episode series, with the other nine episodes nowhere to be found. Hmmm, well, this review will try to make as much sense as it can.

“Do not be afraid; our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift."
― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

Splatter is supposed to be a series about rocker, Jonny Splatter, who commits suicide and invites his fellow band mates, manager, girlfriend, and psychologist to his wake. Little do those in attendance know is that Jonny has some deadly plans in store for them. That’s…pretty much it.


No Goonies sequel for you.

The cast consists of Corey Feldman as Splatter, and Tony Todd as his manager, Spencer Pope. The rest of the cast is rounded out by a few people who look very familiar, and you’ve seen in other things, but you’d never be able to tell someone where they are from. Yeah…that type of actor.

Here is the thing about Splatter. I actually think, if you’re able to find the rest of the series, the rest of the episodes could be entertaining. I’m saying this mainly for the fact that Joe Dante is in charge. Dante is a tragically underrated horror/parody director. Look at films like The Howling, Gremlins and Piranha and you’ll see that he’s always had the eye for making fun for things that people take way too serious. And while this might not be Dante’s best work in recent years, there is still something interesting in Splatter.


Tommy Jarvis lives!

After doing some digging, apparently Splatter made it’s way over to Hulu for a little bit, but this is all that remains of the series. Watching the series on Netflix is confusing because since the episode ends on a cliffhanger it’s hard to figure out whether Netflix will get the other nine episodes, or maybe Netflix is either trolling viewers or perhaps the rest of the episodes are involved in some type of dispute involving litigation. Or, simply, the series never got past the first episode. It’s still rather odd to me that Netflix would offer just the first episode with no explanation of where the other episodes might be…strange.

Of course this review has turned more into a pseudo-Sherlock Holmes detective story; “The Case of the Missing Splatter Episodes” but I did like this show enough to want to try and seek out the rest of the series, if it even exists. From all accounts, I doubt it does, but since we are in October now, and the series was released nearly five years ago, perhaps we can see the series/show as it was intended.


Do not read from the book!

All in all, Splatter is good enough, cheesy fun. It’s 29 minute run time is brisk and not too much time is wasted on needless exposition, aside from the fact that Fiona Crown, Splatter’s girlfriend, knows how to speak in African dialect due to her time dating a rapper that toured Kenya…yeah…but if you can turn your brain off and simply enjoy the ride, Splatter is certainly worth your time. It just might leave you with a slight “damn, I feel like I missed something.”

“One ought to be afraid of nothing other then things possessed of power to do us harm,
but things innocuous need not be feared.”

― Dante Alighieri, Inferno


They say a picture is worth a thousand words. But sometimes a motion picture is only worth one. Simplistic Reviews gives you a minimum one word review from avid film buffs Justin Polizzi, Matthew Stewart and DJ Valentine. If one isn't enough, you can read on and enjoy their further analysis of the film or television show. Simplistic Reviews is, for lack of a better word, GOOD.

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