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9.11.15

THE BABES OF CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE: Ranking the Hottest Ladies of Friday the 13th

By FOREST TAYLOR
The Friday the 13th film series is well-known for a lot of things: gratuitous over-the-top killings, simplistic but effective music, turning a hockey goalie's mask into a legendary horror image. But what I most fondly remember it for is easily the barrage of incredibly gorgeous women that frequented the series. As a young kid just starting to get into horror films, seeing an army of beautiful babes in various states of undress was always the most intriguing part of the films. So, in honor of this being the third Friday the 13th this year, I decided to go back to my teenage horn-dog days and take a look at all the Friday girls that had a lasting impact on my developing ... uh, mind.

Keep in mind that I'm only including the Friday films that I watched as a pre-teen so Jason X and the remake were not included on this list.

Also, I didn't want to include any of the final girls from the series as I felt they were all too awesome for it to even be a competition (Ginny from Part 2 would easily beat out all the girls on this list). So, with that out of the way and keeping in mind that this is solely my opinion, I give you the...Hottest Friday the 13th Girls!

HOT LADIES 10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - HONORABLE MENTION
FRIDAYS TOP DUDE - MANLY HONORABLE MENTIONS

10. Tina & Terri (Camilla & Carey More) - Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
Like they just appeared out of a Double-mint commercial, these twins show up out of nowhere and immediately decide to tag along with our group of over-sexed teens. Tina and Terri seem up for anything up to and including skinny dipping despite the fact that it's clearly mid-autumn, or enthusiastically fucking Crispin Glover's brains out and even asking for seconds, as one of them dutifully does. That act alone earns them a place on this list and those sexy accents are nice touch as well.

9. Nikki (Darcy DeMoss) - Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
Nikki always left an impression on me and not just because of that ridiculous '80s hairdo she sports. From complaining about Boris, her step-father or as she calls him "the asshole" to riding her boyfriend like a Harley and demanding that he keep going through some ten-minute 1980s synth epic, Nikki makes her brief moments in the film memorable ones. Plus, she's one of the few Jason victims who manages to keep her head when things start going wrong; finding quick solutions to car troubles. Sadly, that same head is smashed through a mirror not long after that, but at least she tried.

8. Terry (Kristen Baker) - Friday the 13th Part 2
Most Friday the 13th fans might put Terry at the top of their lists, and frankly, I can't begrudge them that. She's just not really my type though (I'm not really a fan of chicks with visible ribcages). That being said, I can't deny that she's one of the most memorable hotties in the entire franchise. With her Mickey Mouse half-shirt and what have to be the shortest shorts in film history, Terry has definitely left her mark on the series. Plus, it must be noted that she set an important precident in the Friday the 13th legacy; giving us the first of many skinny dipping scenes. That alone earns her a place on this list.

7. J. J. Jarrett (Saffron Henderson) - Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
Any chick with a guitar is hot, even if she doesn't know how to play. J. J. is the only leather-clad Friday cast member to not be in a biker gang and though her appearance is brief, she leaves quite an impression. She dies after film-geek Wayne ditches her to try and hook up with queen bitch, Tamara. However, she gets the honor of having the most metal death in the series (face bashed with a guitar). By the way, Wayne wins the award for biggest dumbass of the series. You have a bad-ass metal babe practically begging to rock you like a hurricane, and you choose Tamara: a horrible person who's a manipulator, a coke-fiend and also, oh yeah, an ATTEMPTED MURDERER! Wayne, you really are an asshole.

6. Debbie (Tracie Savage) - Friday the 13th Part III
The only one of Jason's victims with a bun in the oven, Debbie proves that impending motherhood isn't a detriment to hotness. From her sexy, smoky voice to her sarcastic sense of humor, Debbie's got it all! Plus, she looks great in that blue bikini. As an added bonus, any girl who spends her free time reading classic issues of Fangoria is always going to get some extra points in this competition.

5. Violet (Tiffany Helm) - Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
You can't have an '80s horror movie without a punk rock wild child, and Violet is one of the best they've got. With her Cyndi Lauper style clothes and hair, to her take-no-shit attitude and her ... um offbeat dance moves, Violet is everything that was both terrible and awesome about that most ridiculous of decades. Not everyone may agree with me on this one, but my enternal love for punk chicks compels me to put her on this list. Violet, I don't care what anyone says. I'll do that crazy robot dance with you all night long!

4. Sissy Baker (Renee Jones) - Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
How do you take a sports jersey half-shirt, white pants and suspenders and somehow make it work? That's just Sissy's style! This quirky chick's look is the stuff of '80s bad movie legend, but she makes it look so damn good. Whether she's joking about her favorite camp activity ("boy-scoutin', honey") or given us the rules to some bizarre "Camp Blood" themed card game, she manged to be the most memorable character in this whole film. By the way, I'm fully convinced that the card game in this movie became the basis for the infamous Friday the 13th NES game. Watch the scene for yourself and see how similar they are.

3. Sandra (Marta Kober) - Friday the 13th Part 2
This is what I love about the earlier Jason movies. Sandra is essentially the over-sexed bimbo in this film, but her big, curly hair and her Peppermint Patty-esque voice give her a more normal, girl-next-door vibe than the later actresses who would step into this role. I think that's much more appealing than the stereotypical, "Hollywood hot" look. Sandra's look harkens back to a time when these films were still trying to be real movies and not the parodies of slasher cliches they became. Plus, her and her boyfriend have arguably the most iconic deaths in the series.

2. Robin (Elizabeth Kaitan) - Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
Robin came to Crystal Lake to party! Despite protests from her ugly duckling friend Maddy, she almost immediately hooks up with the resident pothead of the group, making her everyone's favorite stoner chick. Robin has it all; from her beautiful red hair, to her captivating smile, to her perky ... um ... personality, how can you not love this weed-crazy babe? As an added bonus, if you hang out with her long enough you'd probably get a contact high, and that has to count for something.

1. Tina (Debi Sue Voorhees) - Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
Every halfway house for disturbed teens needs a resident nympho, and Tina is easily the hottest mental patient I've ever laid eyes on. Every scene she's in involves getting it on with her David Duchovney-esque boy-toy and she doesn't care where it's at. Whether it's in Crazy Ethel's chicken coup or a field under the watchful eyes of some creepy farmhand, Tina's always looking to get down and dirty and we all thank her for that. This woman's boobs belong in the Smithsonian! Plus, she has one of the best deaths in the series (our killer makes creative use of some garden shears) and the actress's last name really is Voorhees! Add it all up and I don't think anyone would disagree that Tina is one of the greatest Friday the 13th babes in the series.

HONORABLE MENTION - Vera Sanchez (Catherine Parks) - Friday the 13th Part III
Poor Vera has to put up with a lot during the span of this movie. Whether it's insults from racist store clerks ("we don't take no food stamps"), threats from intimidating bikers or the advances of her blind date Shelly, Vera deals with all of them with style and grace. As a result, she has the honor of being Jason's first victim while he's wearing his legendary hockey mask! As a side note, I like to imagine what would happen to these characters had Jason never shown up and I think had their date been allowed to continue, Vera would've at the very least given Shelly a pity B.J. Fortunately, Jason spared us of that.

LET US NOT FORGET ABOUT THE DUDES

Upon finishing my list I stared to realize that all this could come off as pretty sexist, and I also don't want to exclude anyone from the celebration. Besides, the Friday the 13th series has plenty of hunky guys in it as well. So, don't worry ladies. I didn't leave you out of the fun. Allow me to present you with my...
HOTTEST DUDE - Tommy Jarvis (John Shepherd) - Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
The Friday the 13th series is full of plenty of unbelievable things, but this one is the most ridiculous. No, I'm not talking about the fact that Jason keeps coming back to life over and over. I'm talking about this: how does Tommy Jarvis go from dorky little Corey Feldman into the chiseled hunk of beefcake we see before us? Who knew that institutions for potential psychopathic killers had such incredible free weights programs? Not only that, but he's also a born asskicker; throwing grown men over his shoulder with ease and beating down anyone who so much as looks at him funny. Though this is one of the worst films in the series, this is easily my favorite version of Tommy. I prefer my Tommy Jarvis unhinged, unstable and if possible, spending half the movie with his shirt off. BOING! (on an unrelated note: yes, I am definitely gay)

HONORABLE MENTION - Mark (Tom McBride) - Friday the 13th Part 2
With his athlete's physique and pretty-boy good looks, Mark seems like he would be the jock douchebag we'd all love to hate. However, he's so sweet and unassuming, we can't help but fall in love with the big guy. Plus, he's in a wheelchair which makes him all the more sympathetic. He instantly catches the attention of Vickie who hits on him like a drunk freshman. Also, we learn some backstory about how he plans to beat the odds and one day walk again! He's so inspiring, we almost want Jason to take a break from killing and let the poor guy get laid. Sadly, it wasn't to be as Jason buries a machete in his head and then, adding insult to injury, lets him roll backwards down a flight of stairs. Cold-blooded, Jason.

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